Mladen Kekic

What do you do? When you have tried loving a person over and over, no matter how many times they hurt you on purpose or not, when do you say enough is enough? They spit in your face and then they come back to wipe it off just so they can do it again. They say they love you but their actions are completely that of somebody who just doesn’t want anything to do with you. Just wondering… because I really feel like I’m up against the Fists of the Devil who is swinging away like Barry Bonds at a home run derby.

I am getting my tail kicked.

Obviously Jesus tells us to keep turning the other cheek and don’t give up on them. After all God never gives up on us. We sin again and again and again and again (I could keep going but it would never end) and he keeps forgiving us.

Okay maybe you could, but…

What about if this person is causing you to be miserable and you are forced to put all of your dreams on hold so you could be faithful to forgiveness and servanthood. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know many people who would. I guess it’s just so hard to be patient and not be selfish. It takes discipline to a whole another level.

Waiting on a dream is one thing but waiting on something that brings misery and pain is another.  I guess this is what separates Mice from Men. Who is willing to wait on a hopeless future so they can please GOD? Or are you a Man for waiting or just another fool who was blinded by a vision that was closed minded.

Enlighten me if you have the answers. Maybe I just make it a lot harder then it really is.

Somebody once told me that Focus was overrated because you see every blemishing mistake you made but you can’t change it. I let you agree or disagree but I will tell you that I personally have had a lot of questions lately. Questions seem to get me back on focus.  It’s funny because questions seem to be a reoccurring thing with me. Rob Bell once said that asking God questions is a good thing. If you don’t ask how will you ever know.

So I ask this. Can I keep fighting for my wife for a lifetime? Can I truly follow God if I keep obsessing over this one thing? Is moving on okay? Is remarrying okay? Is the best thing to do is leave everything behind and go serve God fully, till the point of hunger and cold? How can I truly serve him here if I am surrounded by happily married couples when God wants me to be single forever? Does God want me to be single forever? Is staying where I am just going to tempt me to get remarried again? And most of all, Why is the Bible not more clear on Divorce and what you can do after?

Can we say frustration till the point of insanity. Yes we can. So then I read John 12:26.  It says: “Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, my servant also will be. “

Wow, can we say revelation now. This passage should help anyone struggling with anything, not just divorce. Whenever the bible is not 100% clear on something and it doesn’t say Thou shalt or thou shalt not, you are to fall back on this passage. As long as you are focused on following and serving God, you are doing the right thing. Maybe, just maybe God will take you to another man or woman who he then will make it clear to you to marry again. Then who are we to say no to God. Just follow him and don’t look at what if I did this or what if I did that. Just follow him and he will decide what is best for you, whether that is remarriage or whatever else there could be.

Not every outcome will be the same. Just follow God and trust that he will show you yours. Most of the time this will be completely different then you thought it would be. That’s just how he works. God the magician. He has the element of surprise. Chris Angel who?

No not the song. What is love, really?

I have really felt lukewarm as of lately. Lukewarm as in just ordinary. I never wanted to be just ordinary for God. I always wanted to do spectacular things with my life. I always wanted to change the life of others through God. Well I have found that I have been doing the exact opposite of that. I have been all about myself. Yeah sure I might help a neighbor out, work harder at work, fight for my marriage, attend church on a regular basis, do things for others when the opportunity presents itself, but I haven’t been TRYING. I have let things come to me instead of being a driving force. I want to be more radical. True love is not being willing to give up your life for another but actually doing it. I am notorious, along with a million of other Christians, for saying it, but not doing it.

I prayed last night and this morning that God makes something in my life happen to where I have a chance to change my life completely for him. For him to do something so I can have a way out of being about myself but all about him. For a way, if he so desired, for me to sell all of my things and go live poor and use all that I have to feed the homeless and tell them about Christ.

I am trying to decipher what he wants me to do. I know, maybe I shouldn’t read into it, but just go and do it. Unfortunatelly my problems are not that simple to solve. Try to decipher wether God wants you to live a life as a husband when you are already married or if he wants  you to sell all of your posessions and go live poor when that would mean leaving your marriage. I don’t know. I hate having to wait. Maybe I’ll write a blog soon about waiting, and how it drives me crazy. Either way, please pray for me, so I can make the best decision for God.

I’ll leave you with a quote from Francis Chan when he was asked if he thinks God calls him to live a radical, crazy life: “It’s not that this lifestyle should be crazy to us. It should be the only thing that makes sense. Giving up everything and sacrificing everything for the afterlife is logical. “Crazy” is living a safe life and storing up things while trying to enjoy our time on earth, knowing that any millisecond God could take your life. To me that is crazy, and that is radical. The crazy ones are the ones who live life like there is no God. To me that is insanity.”

I have never had a really good relationship with my sister. She is not at all to blame for this, it is for sure my fault. We were so close when we were growing up and once we did grow up I abandoned her. I might sound really harsh when I say abandoned because it wasn’t as if we didn’t talk anymore, I just spend very little time with her and when I did I pretended like I was in a bad mood. I regret all that I did now and God has convicted me of it.

My mother is absolutely right. I am doing all of these things for other people but nothing for my family. In the midst of trying to be a great Servant it is easy to forget about family when the focus is on others. It doesn’t make it easy that my family aren’t Christians and that they don’t understand my views, but that shouldn’t stop me from being there for them, actually it should encourage me to do so more. I truly love my sister and I know she has the biggest heart in the world. For somebody to go through surgery after surgery all of their life and not being able to drive at the age of 29 and still be positive is what you call character. 29, alone, no friends, trouble with the English language, not a great student, always stuck at home with parents, and friends that have always left her, and a brother who isn’t there. This would be too much on any person but Tanja is the strongest individual ever.

On Friday I took her to Borders and we talked. We talked for 2 hours about a lot of things and it felt so good knowing that just like that we have a relationship again. I will make it a commitment of mine to see her twice a month and spend quality time together. It was really fun listening to her tell me about her life and me telling her about Christ. She will come to the patio soon I hope. I want you all to meet the strongest person in the world even though she only stands at 5 foot 1. I just pray that from now on we stay close like brother and sister should.

Where do I start? Work has been very stressful. I am very shorthanded. My mind is constantly there even when my body is not. This reminds me of the times when I worked at Food Lion. 60+ hours a week, no sleep, constant stress, and no time for my wife. Harris Teeter is nowhere near comparison though. Its ten times easier then it was at Food Lion but when you adapt to new circumstances and get spoiled and then the toys get taken away from you… I think you get the point. I have been struggling with my witness at work, even though I must say it is better then last week. The problem is that my heart wants my mind to only think God at work, but my mind is so overwhelmed with my performance and it is failing miserably.

When I am not at work it is my responsibilities as a husband, church member, family member that keep me in a constant foot race. I wish it was just a race, but it feels like a triathlon. I am realizing that I have too many commitments. I read somewhere that life should go in this order: 1.God, 2.Family, 3.Church, 4.Work, 5.Leisure. My list goes something like this: 1.Work, 2.God, 3.Church, 4.Leisure, 5.Family. Wow, that is terrible. Writing and reading it looks much worse then thinking it. Either way I need to prioritize my life differently. Things are going to have to change eventually. How long I can last this way is only in Gods hands. Oh but I have faith though. I know that He will get me through. A vision is what I need?A vision is what has been pondering my mind lately. What is my purpose in this here life? God. Okay, but what does God want me to do for him? Hmm… I don’t think it’s working at a grocery store, especially since it is the main reason I have no time for Him or my wife. I have to seriously get my knees dirty and pray for God to give me a vision. I want him to give me a sign that clearly says: Mladen, you are to do this for me until I take you home? The patio is a vision and it could be my lifetime vision. But as long as I work for Harris Teeter it will never be my all-in vision. It would be so physically exhausting, which I can handle, but also a risk to my marriage, which I am not taking. I hope that there is a way that in the near future I can have a job where God’s hand is in it and it doesn’t have to jeopardize all I have at stakes.

I am so excited about all of the things in my life, but the time factor is a smack in the face. I hope you guys understand my feelings. I love you all. Keep Christina and me in your prayers. I think we’re just going through a rough time in life and it will end as soon as God is ready. The patio is very important to us and we have made a commitment that will never be broken. God has told us that this is where he wants us and we are here to stay. I just want you guys to understand that when we are unavailable that it is all those other things piling up, it is not us losing interest. Maybe what God is calling me to do is ministry but I am so uncertain and so financially incapable. Maybe He’s just waiting for me to take a risk and a huge risk at that. My foot is to make a step first before I can see God’s hand move. I could be making a major decision in my life in the near future.

This past week without even realizing I have witnessed to 3 people. It was very unexpected and kind of random. God deffinetly had his hands in this one. The week was actually a very busy one for me. I pulled of a 50 hour week at work and didn’t have much time to do anything I had planned to do. I seriously thought that I was slipping and not keeping my commitments to God. I should have prayed more, read the bible, read my book, connected with people. I even skipped out on church Wednesday night which doesn’t happen very often. God must be dissapointed I thought.

Out of nowhere he comes, unexpected as always, performing miracle work. That is God’s job so of course I never saw it coming. After what I thought was a terribble week turned out one of the best ever. He gave me the moment to help witness to my sister for 20 minutes. She was so receptive which amazed me. Most of you know that my family isn’t saved, so this was a huge stepping stone. I prayed so often for the chance and the words to say when I get the opportunity. 

 ”Thank you Lord for your wisdom and power. You gave me the vocabulary, the passion, and the answers to help witness to somebody who is so special to me. Father I pray that you keep feeding me with your word and give me more opportunities like this one. Use me as your servant and move me in the direction that you want me to go. I’m here and I’m yours.”

There are no words that can praise God enough. I am so excited. After all of this he gave me more. He put 2 people in my life that have touched me so much and they probably don’t even know. They both expressed how much I meant to them and how my blogs have inspired them. Sometimes we touch people and we don’t even realize it. I had no idea but God had it all mapped out a long time ago. Thank you Mike and Beverly. My faith has grown more with your friendship.

“Father I pray that you would touch these people’s lives like you have touched mine. We are all dying to get to know you better and be more like Jesus. I ask you God to clear our minds and rid it of all evil nature and replace it with your word and wisdom. We feel you coming closer and closer and we are desperate for your hug. But it’s not you who’s moving towards us it is us moving closer to you. Your arms are always open just waiting for us to come running. Steer us in the direction that takes us straight to you and help us run faster then ever before. Our lives we give to you. Do with them as you wish.”

Amen

I was frustrated with the sins in my life. Why? Why do they keep flowing like blood in my veins? Why does sin constantly creep up behind me like a ghost at nighttime? It is not in my personality to desire to sin? Where then does this disgusting nature come from? Am I the only one that falls when tempted? How do I cure my disease? God give me the answers to my questions. Help me find a way to be strong and find Jesus when I’m in a state of corruption.

These were the kind of questions I asked God when I was meditating last. They were a lot more specific, but I hope you get the point. I was very frustrated. I couldn’t understand why at certain times I feel like God is sitting next to me and at other times I feel like my prayers don’t go past the ceiling. Then I just sat there an listened. In less the five minutes I knew what God wanted me to do. He wanted me to write down some values and disciplines that would help me with my struggles. He wanted me to look at them and practice them daily.

1. Submission- Live for God not for self. Do more for others then for self. Do things others want not the things I want. Learn not to care about self fulfilment. Be a servant.

2. Pray- Center life around prayer. Start day and finish it with prayer. Meditate and listen more so then pray. To pray is to understand. Belive with all your heart and soul that prayer works. Pray about anything and for everything.

3. Silence- The tongue is a powerful weapon, so be careful to choose words. Its better to stay silent then to speak when unsure and sometimes even when sure. A few words are always much more permanent. Actions speaks louder then words.

4. Listen- Focus when somebody speaks. Stay attentive. Show deep concern when spoken to. Listening will do the job. Giving advice can sometimes ruin job.

5. Confess- Confess when you mess up. Come clean with past. Be honest. It will build integrity.

6. Self-Discipline- Control urges by praying and opening God’s word. Remember that Satan know my weaknesses. Gain true holiness when realizing that sin is like spitting in God’s face. Self-Discipline will give you closeness with God.

7. Integrity- Be yourself wherever you are. Be an open book to everybody in life. You will never again worry about being caught in a lie. Use others as examples to learn from.

8. Witness- Find ways to spread God’s word and don’t be shy. Keep inventing new ways to do so. Integrity is most important at this stage. With integrity, the ones you are trying to reach will never expect anything other then love from you.

9. Leadership- Don’t wait for others to step up, be the one. Gain respect by showing true love for others. Serve those who are under you and those who are above you in rank. Integrity is the key here as well.

10. Set Goals- If you don’t know where you want to be 5 years from now and don’t do anything about it, you will remain where you are. Set goals for home, church, work, personal time with God. Have a plan and act on it.

11. Keep Commandments- Tithe, Pray, Meditate, and even Fast.

12. Love- Love everyone. By submitting and serving you will find values in people and will think of yourself less. Love the earth. What I do here could be killing someone in Africa. Love wildlife.

13. Praise- Praise God for everything. Never for a second think highly of myself. Think only of Gods grace. Don’t think I accomplished it. It wasn’t me, God just snapped his fingers.

Last night I had a very long talk with God. I say talk and not prayer because it was a conversation and not just a one way street. Don’t you just hate it when people talk, talk, talk and will not let you get in a word. It’s very annoying and I’m sure we all experienced it before. Well why don’t the same rules apply when we talk with God. Is it because God doesn’t have physical presence? Does it seem like you are talking to an imaginary friend? Well he is not imaginary and he can not be seen with the human eye. He is God though and he is our friend. If you truly are his friend then you would listen to him more then you would talk.

When we ask God for answers he has the solutions in the palm of his hand but is not willing to reveal it until you submit. He wants you to listen for the answers and not talk, talk, talk. Don’t be the annoying person, instead be the friend that listens with all of his ears, mind, heart, and soul. You will start seeing things and experiencing God on a different level.

Meditation has been discarded by our society as a whole. When we think of meditation we think of Buddhist and make connections with the eastern part of the world. Well, meditation was very alive and active in the bible. In Hebrew, 2 words are used to describe meditation, and together they are used approximately 58 times in the bible. The translation is to listen to God’s word. Why did we write off something so sacred. Abraham, Isaac, Eli, Elijah, Isaiah, Jeremiah all have set examples of meditation for us. A lot of the psalms speak of meditating. But if you don’t take note from all of them,  you should follow Jesus’ path. He withdrew himself to a lonely place to meditate more then on one occasion. 40 days and 40 nights are a prime example.

I have just recently realized the importance of meditation. It has made a difference in the depth of my understanding. When I’m in this state of mind it’s like things just click. I suddenly know the answers to my questions as if I knew them all along but my brain was getting mixed signals. In my next blog, I will reveal some of the answers that I got just from listening to God. I am not challenging anyone to compete to see who can get the most results. I just hope that you’ll try to listen to Him, if you don’t already do so. After all who do we really want to strive to be like? Jesus right.